It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
