Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
