yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
