there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
