Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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