She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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