i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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