so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
