If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
