i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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