we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
