Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Your dad touched me again.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
