I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
