Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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