so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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