Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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