My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
