i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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