he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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