Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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