i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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