i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
