This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He passed out mid-signature
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
