Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
