He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
