So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
