Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
