so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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