we have officially lost it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
