Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
