it was like having sex with a tree stump
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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