Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
