Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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