this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
