So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
