I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
