Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
