PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
