note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
