I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
