I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
