let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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