Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
