I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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