wakey wakey hands off snakey
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
