my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
