I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I supernannyed him into submission
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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