ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
