Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
