were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
