Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
